where it all begins..

so where do i begin?... well i guess i can start with the fact that for the entirety of my life i have been assumed to be straight. Dated one guy for three years and anyone else other than that was irrelevant but yet still male. Well all through high school and the majority of my teenage years I've always questioned my sexuality but it wasn't brought until my attention truly until these past few months.

Two years ago, she was in my class. Quiet, never really with much to say but i was always so intrigued by her. Weather it was the fact that i couldn't help but be attracted to her, i mean i thought she was gorgeous, or just the fact that i didn't know her and that made her all the more interesting. Well turns out mid-year she moves. Do we ever speak in high school? no. Was i dating a guy anyway? yes. So all the more reason to move on and forget those thoughts of curiosity.

Two years later...
Facebook finds everybody.... and it happened to have found her. I couldn't tell you why but i was stalking her page and it turns out we were going to the same college. Of all the colleges in new york, yet alone all the colleges in the country, her, of all of people was going to mine. So i decided to say fuck it.. i messaged her to say that yanno hey i know we never spoke in high school but we do go to the same college hows it going.. blah blah blah. some bull shit attempt to just speak to her... anyway, i would have never though but she actually responds and is unexpectedly really nice. i assumed she wouldn't give a flying fuck about me in fact i was pretty dam sure of it. Well anyway.. it was all small talk, a comment here a comment there. She winds up being in my psychology class and although i knew this small fact when she said something about it i played it off like i had no idea. :: im such a fucking liar:: But i coudlnt help it, i was too nervous for some reason, i guess i was just trying to sound coy although if you knew me you would understand how blatantly false that maybe.

so the day comes.. she says hi to me! The night before she had said something to me about meeting up for lunch after class but i was too scared to even find her in class that day myself i ran out of the school as fast as i could. But the second i stepped outside the door, a voice behind me sounding so clear and effortlessly nice said, "Hi kristen!" And that right there was the first words ever spoken to me by her. Nothing monumental i know but to me it was. For the entire day following i was still pretty nervous, she was so perfect, unlike anything i had ever seen before. But i mean she had a girlfriend.. and i was straight... wasn't i?

That thursday...i get a text from her asking me to go out with her and her best friend to a club in the city. Well it was only polite to say yes.. haha who am i kidding i couldnt have been more excited to let alone get a text from her but be asked to hang out! (as lame and corny as it maybe) So anyway.. while already on my way to her apartment, she tells me her friend bailed and that it'd only be the two of us hanging out but that shed totally understand if i wanted to go back home. well in all honesty i couldnt but i wasnt the least bit complaining.

That night... was the most memorable night of my life. To tell you the truth we did nothing but talk... walk from her apartment to the seaport ... sit on the pier for roughly three hours... talk some more..etc. I have never felt so comfortable with someone after only knowing them maybe 48 hours. But besides that we clicked. And not just the way two people may happen to get along due to common interests or passive personalities.. but like in the movies kinda clicked. chemistry. sparks. tension. whatever you call it, it was there. I knew it. For someone who is never sure of anything, i was sure of this. She was it. She was that thing some people spend there whole lives searching for and sometimes never find. She was that warm feeling of happiness in the pit of your stomach even when you are completely incompetent of feeling happy at any given moment. she was the one.. and i wanted her to be mine.

The days proceeding only got better. The sexual tension may have grew but my feelings for her grew as well. I had never seen someone so beautiful, so effortlessly perfect. And even in the midst of her beauty i was still more myself with her than i have ever been with anybody else and i didn't know what that felt like. i didn't know what it felt like to have someone actually be nice to be and show me affection in a way that made me feel like someone actually might be interested in me.

Well you can only guess what happened next... The more we spent time together the more we both realized how right this match may actually be. September 22nd.. and i kissed her. i couldn't hold myself back any longer and i just needed to know. 9 it is true, you can always tell a person by the way they kiss) So from that moment on we have been inseparable.

October 4 2009... and its official. I am officially her girlfriend. i am hers and she is mine. All mine. I am absolutely, head over heels in love with this girl and i don't see anything or anyone ever changing that feeling. What we have is rare... what she is is rare and i plan on holding on to that for as long as possible.


i love you..

-- kk



Okay, so one day this really cute girl from high school started talking to me. at first, i didnt know why she would want to, because i thought that she never knew who i was. in the beginning, it was just small talk and i didnt really think anything of it. but then it turns out that we go to college together, and that we're even in the same class. i first realized this in the beginning of the school year, but i was too scared to actually tell her i noticed her in class until about 2 weeks later... she played it cool acting like she didnt realize i was there, even though i knew she saw me, because she made blatant eye contact with me at one point. i remember talking to my best friend trying to figure out whether or not i should say anything to her. finally, he convinced me to stop being a little bitch and just say hi to her. eventually, i got the courage to actually say hi and she once again played it cool, which i later learned was just an act, because she was actually smitten by me. thats just a joke, as i was clearly the one smitten by her. anyway, after walking around with her and this wack boy i met for a while, i couldnt help but wish that this boy would just go away. at first i didnt realize why i felt this way, other then for obvious reasons, but soon i figured out that i kind of like this girl. she was so easy to talk to, and such a cool person, and i couldnt realize why she was single. anyway, we went to central park together, and walked around some more, and by the end of the day it was all i could think about. it was funny, because as we parted to go to our class, all i could think about was her. i immediately texted my best friend to tell him how i was so ill, because i hung out with kristen ****, and how i thoguht she was flirting with me but i was definitely just imagining it, because she would never be flirting with me, being that she was straight/gorgeous, and out of my league. as i finished texting him and he shared in my excitement, i got a text. i picked up my phone leisurely in math class, expecting a dumb comment from my best friend, when i saw it was from her. immediately my heart dropped into my stomach, and i couldnt read the text fast enough. the actual text was something insignificant, but for some reason my heart kept beating a million miles a minute. for some reason, i couldnt stop thinking about her. she kept texting me back and forth, and i couldnt help but think that she may be flirting with me. not wanting to get my hopes up, i pushed it to the back of my mind, but this didnt stop me from wanting to hang out with her and get to know her better. i invited her to come hang out with me and my best friend, and he ended up not being able to come. this was lucky for me, because this ended up being the night that i first made a real connection with her. i was so nervous and afraid that i wouldnt have enough to say or that she wouldnt like me or think that i was funny. but we talked all night, and it never for one minute felt like it was boring. not only that but i couldnt imagine doing anything else, all i thought about was how amazing it felt to do absolutely nothing with her. this was the first night i realized i really did have feelings for her, she was so perfect in every way. it was hard to hold back my feelings, but i had to because of this small thing that was in the way... but i shortly got rid of that. anyway, after that was gone, we hungout again, only then the tension was even worse. because there was nothing in the way anymore, the temptation to kiss her was unbearable and i knew that there was nothing stopping me but myself. all night i just kept staring at how amazingly beautiful she was, and i hung on every word that she said. lucky for me, she kissed me first, so i didnt have to be that much of a nervous wreck. my heart must have sped up really bad, because i was a nervous wreck. but ever since then, i've been hooked on this girl and i dont want it to ever stop.. im gonna marry her. shes the most beautiful girl in the entire world, and shes perfect for me. --kh